Smells like the house I tell people I keep.
The olfactory equivalent of shoving everything in a cupboard.
Good things. Bad attitudes.
75 things to buy instead of starting a fight in the family group chat. Find the one that makes you say “for fuck's sake, that's me.”
A subtle fragrance of having absolutely nowhere to be.
Put the calendar down. Nothing is happening.
My customer service voice is still loading.
Please enjoy this brief period of honest facial expressions.
I woke up defensive.
No questions. Especially cheerful ones.
Please don't make me form a complete thought.
Single syllables only until further notice.
I am not the morning shift manager.
Take it up with whoever scheduled the sunrise.
I need coffee before I can pretend to give a shit.
Empathy is currently brewing.
Chef's special: whatever expires tomorrow.
Fine dining, with a deadline.
Please hold your feedback until never.
The suggestion box is a bin.
Eat it or apply for the position.
The position comes with dishes. So many dishes.
No one asked how your mother makes it.
Your mother is welcome to come over and cook it.
I cooked the meal. I will not be taking questions.
The press conference has been canceled.
ONE MORE THING TO IGNORE IN YOUR INBOXGet on the list.
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